July 23, 2016
Day 170
Hello!
One of my greatest fears when I was drinking was that I was screwing up my body. Especially my colon. I was convinced that my drinking gave me colon cancer.
I was diagnosed with breast cancer at 41 years old. 2 different kinds of invasive breast cancer, one in each breast. I had 2 surgeries, 8 rounds of chemo, and 6 weeks of radiation. I took tamoxifen for 5 years, had a 2 year drug free holiday, and now have taken arimidex for 4 years. My chemo put me in full blown menopause at the age of 42. My body made cancer. At the time of my diagnosis, I was a normal drinker....so I thought. I remember having a glass or two of wine in the middle of my two weeks between chemo treatments...who does that? In looking back, I realize that that was probably the start of my drinking problems! I couldn't even abstain during chemo! Most people are sick..but no, not me...I made sure that I had my wine (all cleared with oncologist of course, but she probably didn't know how much I "really" had!).
Since I was considered a young women at diagnosis, that was pre menopausal, especially whose body made 2 different kinds of invasive cancers at the same time in two different breasts, I was considered an anomaly. Therefore, they did a lot of extra testing. They made me switch my gyn to the cancer center. At my 5 year cancer free mark, the gyn required me to have a colonoscopy. All was clear.
Anyway, fast forward 5 years. I constantly found myself worrying about my drinking causing me colon cancer. After all, my body made cancer. I drank more than the recommended weekly amount for women....almost every day!!! It was a part of my body that I couldn't see. Sometimes I had lower left stomach pains. Sometimes my stool wasn't right (I know, TMI). I really needed /wanted another colonoscopy to make sure that my drinking wasn't hurting my innards. I asked my gyn at the cancer center for another one. The new protocol is 10 years for your next colonoscopy if the previous one was clear. There was no way I could wait 5 more years...no way! I needed this for my mental being. Yet, I couldn't tell the gyn why. I was too embarrassed. So, I made up a problem. (I know, very bad! Who in their right mind wants a colonoscopy? The prep is awful!) Well, yesterday I had that colonoscopy! and guess what? ALL WAS CLEAR! I stopped drinking in time! I was so worried that there would be something wrong related to my years of drinking! I feel like a HUGE weight was lifted off my shoulders. I feel like I can really see the sober path in front of me. I don't have that nagging thought in my head every day that I gave myself colon cancer.
Now, I wouldn't recommend asking for a colonoscopy if you don't need one. I was really positive that because my body had already made cancer, and then I beat it up with wine, that I really had colon cancer. I know it's a psycho thing...but I had these thoughts while I was drinking and because I convinced myself of it, they remained when I quit.
Now, I am so utterly happy. I know things can still happen. But, I know that I stopped drinking in time so that I did not give myself colon cancer.
Love,
Sober at 53
Saturday, July 23, 2016
Monday, July 18, 2016
Day 165 - Too Complacent!
July 18, 2016
Day 165
Hello!
It's been a month since I've written a blog post. I think I got to a point where I just didn't have anything else to say about not drinking. (I am still reading and commenting though!) I am also at a point where trying not to drink is not so hard anymore. It doesn't occupy my every waking moment. I am not spending all of my time trying to quit! In fact, it's gotten pretty easy. I do like my AF beer though!
I had a lot going on this last month. I was away for a week...part of it in Disney..and if you can make it thru Disneyworld without drinking, I think you've got a really good shot at permanent sobriety! hahaha
My sister and her family live in Sydney, Australia and they stayed with us for the last 2 weeks. 1st week we were away with them. It was such a wonderful time. And, I didn't miss drinking. Even though I was around it every night.
But.....on the night before my sister was returning home, we had a farewell party at my house. I honestly never thought about getting booze. It didn't cross my mind! But, many of the other guests drink. So, due to circumstances, it was up to me to go to the bottle shop (I am now officially calling a liquor store a "bottle shop" as my Aussie sister told me that is what it is called in Australia! I think it sounds much classier than "liquor store!") This was my first foray into my old stomping grounds. I got my cart and walked in and was overcome with extreme sadness. It was palpable. Tears welled up in my eyes and I stopped, looked down the wine aisle and breathed a heavy sigh. I had to get white and red wine. White was no problem since I never touched it. But the red...the sweet, sweet red...(sigh) oh how I have missed you! I decided to get bottles that I was not familiar with. Somehow it made it easier for me. I hightailed it out of the wine aisle and went to the beer refrigerator. That part was easy. It took me a moment to collect my thoughts when I got back in my car. I had no desire to drink, but I was so sad that I couldn't...because I abused it.
My point in this post is that I thought everything was going great and that I was in a really good place. But, I was too complacent. (dictionary.com definition of complacent: 1. pleased, especially with oneself or one's merits, advantages, situation, etc., often without awareness of some potential danger or defect; self-satisfied. I thought I was over the whole "drinking thing." But then BAM! It hit me like a brick wall when I walked into that bottle shop. So my warning is...be in a good place...but never get too complacent! I will not forget this experience. It happened 4 days ago and I'm still thinking about it! No more complacency for Sober at 53!
Don't get too complacent!!!
Love,
Sober at 53
Day 165
Hello!
It's been a month since I've written a blog post. I think I got to a point where I just didn't have anything else to say about not drinking. (I am still reading and commenting though!) I am also at a point where trying not to drink is not so hard anymore. It doesn't occupy my every waking moment. I am not spending all of my time trying to quit! In fact, it's gotten pretty easy. I do like my AF beer though!
I had a lot going on this last month. I was away for a week...part of it in Disney..and if you can make it thru Disneyworld without drinking, I think you've got a really good shot at permanent sobriety! hahaha
My sister and her family live in Sydney, Australia and they stayed with us for the last 2 weeks. 1st week we were away with them. It was such a wonderful time. And, I didn't miss drinking. Even though I was around it every night.
But.....on the night before my sister was returning home, we had a farewell party at my house. I honestly never thought about getting booze. It didn't cross my mind! But, many of the other guests drink. So, due to circumstances, it was up to me to go to the bottle shop (I am now officially calling a liquor store a "bottle shop" as my Aussie sister told me that is what it is called in Australia! I think it sounds much classier than "liquor store!") This was my first foray into my old stomping grounds. I got my cart and walked in and was overcome with extreme sadness. It was palpable. Tears welled up in my eyes and I stopped, looked down the wine aisle and breathed a heavy sigh. I had to get white and red wine. White was no problem since I never touched it. But the red...the sweet, sweet red...(sigh) oh how I have missed you! I decided to get bottles that I was not familiar with. Somehow it made it easier for me. I hightailed it out of the wine aisle and went to the beer refrigerator. That part was easy. It took me a moment to collect my thoughts when I got back in my car. I had no desire to drink, but I was so sad that I couldn't...because I abused it.
My point in this post is that I thought everything was going great and that I was in a really good place. But, I was too complacent. (dictionary.com definition of complacent: 1. pleased, especially with oneself or one's merits, advantages, situation, etc., often without awareness of some potential danger or defect; self-satisfied. I thought I was over the whole "drinking thing." But then BAM! It hit me like a brick wall when I walked into that bottle shop. So my warning is...be in a good place...but never get too complacent! I will not forget this experience. It happened 4 days ago and I'm still thinking about it! No more complacency for Sober at 53!
Don't get too complacent!!!
Love,
Sober at 53
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