January 8, 2017
I haven't posted in quite some time.
I can't believe that I am 11 months sober!
I thought the summer was hard...but the holiday season proved to be the most difficult so far.
Between Thanksgiving, my birthday and Christmas....it was the first time in many many years that I did not have a drink. Honestly, I was at times sad and it was hard...I did a lot of smelling my husbands wine! But I did it!
But, the very hardest, most difficult part, was that my dear sweet father died on 12/30. I had to fly 2.5 hours away and sat by his bedside for 3 days until he finally passed. He suffered from a rare neurodegenerative brain disease PSP (Progressive Supra Nuclear Palsy) for many years, so it was freeing to see him go. BUT, the first night we were there, it took every single ounce of my being not to drink when we took a break for dinner. I mean, every ounce. It was like the first weekend of not drinking times a gazillion. I am part of a sober FB group and I reached out and they saved me. Each time I was tempted to have a drink, miraculously, a FB post would show up. It was amazing. Then, I think God was on my side. I developed a horrific cold while by my dads bedside. I felt awful. SO that really helped stop the cravings. But I have had a HUGE realization. After almost 11 months of not drinking, I still craved alcohol when the going got tough. And, I almost caved! I am so grateful that I didn't because I got to be "present in the moment" and got to witness my father's last breathe...while sober. What a gift. Had I been drinking, I most likely would've missed it.
So, the gift my father gave me in his dying moments was beautiful....during something so painful, I didn't drink to numb my feelings. I got to feel and to be there for him in a way that I couldn't had I been drinking. This gives me such strength, as it is something that I never thought I could do. When the going got really tough (and even not so tough), Mrs. Soberat53 hit the bottle.
This is has been the year of "me." I quit drinking, go to therapy to help me with all of the reasons that I did drink, have become a runner, lost 15 lbs (and not from not drinking! It took a lifestyle change!) and I am so much happier. I am no longer drowning my sorrows, numbing my feelings, picking fights with my husband or kids after a few too many wines, and am just an all around better person. I think I will continue on with the year of "me" as great things have come from it.
Peace and Love,
Sober at 53