June 1, 2015
Well, it seems like I've been totally blown off by one of my best friends. My friend M. was my drinking buddy. Besides Mr. Soberat53, she is the ONLY person in the world who knew how much I drank. She drank just like me. For years, we were drinking buddies, via phone..every night We told each other our darkest secrets while we were drinking (of course we would...alcohol enables loose lips!). Through our drinking, we also became very close outside of our drinking. We shared a lot of the same interests. We are both intense exercisers. We both have children with special needs. We both LOVED our wine! We really spent hours on the phone late into the night when our husbands and kids were asleep. It was like we were having a party over the phone. And we live close so sometimes she would sneak over here after work for some wine before she went home.
We have tried quitting together a gazillion times. Tried supporting each other through it. Even went to an AA meeting together. Of course we never made it. Years of this drinking and talking about quitting went on.
Then something happened...I quit. She didn't.
In the beginning, she was very proud of me. I gave her inspiration. She kept telling me I was her hero. I kept telling her to be her own hero.
She told me that she was jealous that I quit. She wants to so badly, but it just isn't happening for her.
She does go to a therapist that specializes in alcohol addiction. I mentioned in a previous post that she is working on why she drinks, so that in figuring that out and ultimately getting rid of those issues, she won't want to drink because there will be no reason to. A different approach.
She told me that she didn't want to call me anymore because she didn't want to trigger me. I told her that nobody could make me drink except for me. So, she kept calling...and yes, she was drunk,
I let her know, in no uncertain terms, how much I love and need her and I couldn't get through this without her. Only she could understand. She kept calling...and yes, she was drunk.
I do not judge her at all. I have walked in her shoes. Nor do I try to get her to quit. I listen when she talks about wanting to quit. I listen when she talks about her therapy appts. I only support her. I know that she has to find it in herself to quit...just like I had to.
Now, I haven't heard from her since last week. We spoke every day!!! And in thinking about it, it was generally me who did all of the calling of late.
I fully understand that I have something she wants...sobriety. But, I miss her so much. It pains me to think that our relationship was solely built on our drinking. It takes years to build a relationship like we had. I thought it was real. Her family spends Thanksgivings and Christmases with our family for goodness sakes! We even talked about me and Mr. Soberat53 becoming her child with special needs legal guardian should anything happen to her and her husband. Now, that is closeness!!!
I know she lost her drinking buddy...but I thought we had so much more! Mr. Soberat53 also lost his drinking buddy...but I guess since he lives with me, he still has to talk to me!
I guess I just have to let her find her way? Can I really be reduced to a small role in her life? I am so sad. I wish I could call her during the day, when she is not drinking...but she has a huge job, that she loves and is brilliant at, and cannot be reached while she is at work.
I am thinking that this relationship is one of the consequences of me not drinking. I am having a hard time wrapping my head around it though. I just thought it was so much more!!
I miss my friend!!!
Sober at 53