Sunday, May 22, 2016

Day 105 - Why aren't you drinking?

May 22, 2016
Day 105

What a whirlwind weekend it's been for me.
On Friday evening, we hosted a pre prom party for our daughter with special needs and 10 of her friends, also with special needs, sans 1 young man.  (in fact, a NY news station did a story on him and his prom date on Friday!) We ended up having approx. 100 people at our house.  I hosted similar pre prom parties for my sons.  But the difference was, this time, I couldn't drink!!!

At my son's pre prom parties, we only served alcohol after the kids left for prom.  Lead us not into temptation!  hahaha  At my daughters, we served alcohol during the pre-prom party.  It was a "fun stressful" time having all of those people at my house...the getting ready in itself would usually cause me to drink!  (I was outside the night before at 9:00 pm under my lights planting more flowers!).  It seemed that everyone was drinking except for me!  I grabbed an AF beer and promptly lost it when I put it down!  But, I was so busy, that was fine.

When the kids left for the prom, a lot of people stayed.  That is when it really hit me that I couldn't drink.  And I was sad.  So, I grabbed another AF beer and boy, did it prompt questions!!! (In hindsight, I should've put it in a glass and nobody would've been any the wiser!)  Many questions!  Along with the comments "you're brave".."I could never do it."  "How could you go on vacation and not drink?" .."When will you start again?" etc. (I'll get to my answers soon!)

The very next morning, me and Mr. Soberat53 and 2 other couples went to another friends country home 3 hours away.  These are my very closest friends.  My absolute besties.  I can tell them ANYTHING...except for my quitting alcohol.  They knew I was a big drinker, but they really thought I was all talk!  Little did they know! (and they still don't know)

We had a great day!  This "urban girl" got her country on!  We rode ATV's, shot shotguns, had a ginormous bonfire, and ate a great meal.  After all of our country activities, you guessed it, the drinks were about to flow.  I had brought a 6 pack of AF beer with me, so I started BEFORE anyone else started drinking so nobody would offer me wine and I would have more questions to answer!  But, no, there were questions!  Why?  How long?  Is it intentional?

How I answered: (and I had a captive audience..ugh!)   Well, after a party in Feb. I woke up with a hangover.  I was giving up wine for lent  which was starting in a few days so I just started early. (that hangover did me in)  After Lent, I decided I didn't want to drink because I liked how I felt....I slept better, I didn't wake up as much during the night, I felt better in the morning.  I like the taste of alcohol, thus the AF beer, but I don't like how it makes me feel. I don't know when I'll decide to drink again. (I know damn well when I plan to start again:  NEVER).  As far as vacation, I just didn't drink.  (Um, yeah, it was hard but I did it!)

During my explanation time, my sweet husband texted me from across the room asking me if I was alright.  As the night continued, I tried to be the fun girl that I usually was.  Everyone was sitting around and I suggested we play Left, Right, Center for $$.  We all played, except for 2, and we had a lot of fun.  Noteworthy:  Nobody was drunk!  (I would've been had I been drinking!)  (BTW, I was exhausted and just wanted to go to bed but I was determined to be the fun one without drinking!)

On the way home today, Mr. Soberat53 told me, unsolicited, that I did great with the not drinking once the QandA was over!   I told him that if I was still drinking, I would've been bombed and that instead of a game of Left Right Center, I would've done God knows what!  I might've been hanging from the chandelier!  (And it would've been an antler chandelier as it is a country house!)

It is interesting to be the only one in the room not drinking.  You really see people in a different light!  And, I slept horribly, so I didn't even get that morning benefit of feeling great!!!

And. my daughters prom was wonderful!  A couple with special needs won Prom King and Queen.  So cool!And I was able to drive them home from the limo drop and i got to hear a rich exchange between her and her boyfriend that I would've never heard. had I been drinking  In fact, I would've arranged it so somebody else picked them up!

Hoping you don't have to go through QandA sessions about your not drinking!  It's not fun! Especially if the "askers" did not know how much you really drank!

Sober at 53


  1. I love the end to this post - time with your daughter after the prom.

    I've mentioned mine is 'a pretty quiet life' right I havent had to endure any Q/A, but truly....some of the ?s just seem so ill-mannered. It really surprises me how obtuse and plain out-of-line supposed grown ups can be. God for you for getting through - the grilling and keeping it a/f!

    But Mr. S@53...!! What a sweetie to have your back and text you. He deserves an extra hug!!

  2. That's so great you go through such a huge weekend, plus all the questions. I find the questions hard too. I just tell people now that I like my life better when I don't drink. The problem with me is I've been on again off again, so I've probably confused my friends.

    I'm glad your daughter had a good time at the prom.

  3. This is so great! Three things stuck out:
    1) I'm laughing at the poor person who accidentally drank your first AF beer thinking it was real!
    2) Your husband texting you from across the room was precious. Sniff!
    3) I bet there were several inquisitive people who are concerned about their own drinking. You may be leading the pack! A brave pioneer!

  4. Great post! Well done for not drinking at all these events. The questions must be hard. I've had a few but nothing I couldn't handle. But then again, I haven't made a big announcement yet so a lot of people don't know. So I'm sure there will be plenty of questions then! That's lovely you had that special time with your daughter. It's wonderful being truly present for out kids. A x

  5. What a lovely evening with your daughter! Thank you for sharing. Thanks for this post in general. I liked how you answered the questions as my family will have some for me soon. I think I'm getting my script card together and I'll be prepared!

  6. Not Christmas just gone but the Christmas before I was 60ish days sober and I was invited to a friends for Christmas Day. There was only a little questioning about drinking and then it stopped. It was a blast! Best Christmas ever, honestly. We laughed and joked, played games and hooted and hollered at then fun we had. I drove home, went to bed about 2 and was up next day and out with the dogs. Christmas just gone was just a miserable comparison with more and more alcohol being drunk in the hope of catching a good vibe. I think we kid ourselves about how much "fun" we had when drinking. Occasionally there is that outstandingly fun night where drinking was involved but in truth most times a lot of people are chasing the fun. I am glad you made this evening and have memories with your daughter. Also what a lovely supportive husband you have.

  7. Good for you for handling this the way you did. I am such a closet drinker that I don't actually like drinking around people.

    I loved the way you captured the time with your daughter after the prom. When I was raising my kids, it was very stressful planning my drinking around having to pick them up and drive them places. I'm really grateful I didn't drink and drive with them.. but the stress it caused me to wait or not drink because I had to drive them made me not so much fun to be around, I'm sure.

  8. Thank you for your post. What a pleasure it must have been being there with your daughter. So happy for you and her and your family. Thank you also for your insight about being around others on vacation- I bet you did great. And the antler chandelier is hilarious!

  9. How amazing are you! That was one tough weekend and you did it well. I hope that I have your strength if I ever find myself in a similar situation. I find I have to have some pre planned answers for the inevitable questions. I usually go with the...I feel better when im not drinking... I think it makes people question their own drinking when they see you not drinking but having a good time. Well done!