Day 48 - Lent is over tomorrow !

March 26, 2016
Day 48
Hello!
Well, tomorrow is Easter Sunday and Lent will be over.
I have only told people that I gave up the booze for Lent.
Now what?
Two of my siblings asked me if I was going to "rip it up" on Easter.  I just laughed.  But inside I was frantic about what I was going to say on Easter.  You see, I'm not ready to come clean.  My therapist said I should so I would have ownership.  But, I am, for the most part, a private drinker.  Of course I drank on social occasions (and many times too much!) but my daily drinking was done in the privacy of my own home so nobody really knew how much I drank.  Not even me until I quit!

I am worried that if people knew I quit, that I would stop getting invited to social events where there would be alcohol.  I might be thought of as "not fun" anymore.  Plus, I know that when you tell people that you quit drinking there is a) the judgement that you were a raging drunk and had a problem and b) it makes people feel badly about their own drinking.

As far as a) goes...I have made that assumption myself,..hindsight tells me that that is not always the case!  Look, even if you only had one drink a night, if you felt that that was a problem for you, then you have a problem (oh how I wish that was my problem!).

As far as b) my drinking compadre, whom I've mentioned previously, had a hard time talking to me on the phone (at our usual drinking times) because she said she didn't want to "tempt" me into drinking, my quitting made her feel badly about her own drinking, and she had some level of jealously because she to wants to be a non-drinker.  Mind you, she is one of my closest friends, so if she felt this way who knows what others would feel like!

But the BIG thing for me is WHAT IF I FAIL?????  this is a real fear!  I am still  in the "honeymoon period."  It's only been 48 days since my last drink!  Look how I substitute cigarettes sometimes!  I quit years ago and now I'm dabbling again.  I don't trust myself!  (I did start the Wellbutrin today!)

So, what am I going to say tomorrow???? I KNOW it is going to come up.  I think I just might say that I am driving.  I don't know!!!  I guess I'll play it by ear!  Wish me luck!  I need it!  Sigh...
I also hope the stress of his doesn't increase my cravings!!!  Please Lord..NO!

Hoping you find the words that work for you!

Love,
Sober at 53