April 23, 2016
Day 76
Hello!
I am so tired of trying to not drink. It takes so much energy. Here I am in Day 76 and I am so drained from the effort I've put into it. I am really so so tired of it.
Tonight, my husband and I were invited to a concert in NY for my favorite singer. This is a work thing for my husband so we are getting to watch the concert in a luxury sky box. Food and Drink included! (why oh why couldn't we get invited to this when I was drinking!!!!) I have seen my favorite in concert a gazillion times.....NEVER without alcohol in my system! Never! So, this will be a change! I hope I still enjoy him! My very first sober free concert with free food and drink...NOT looking forward to it!
I am trying so hard to plan some sort of strategy for myself...like the ones I used last weekend, but unfortunately they are all being knocked down!
First off, we are going with another couple whom I have never met. I don't want to explain that I am not drinking. I think I will do the "antibiotic" lie.
They are picking us up via car service. (again, why oh why couldn't this happen when I was drinking!) And, they are returning us home. So, I cannot drive. That would've forced me to be on the straight and narrow path!
Second, the luxury skybox is stocked with drinks. There will be no mocktails or alcohol free beer! At least I could've pretended I was drinking and that would've made me feel better!
Third, I have to be "on" when in the skybox as this is a work thing for Mr. Soberat53. (I think that I will be better than when I was drinking but I sure won't come across as my usual fun party girl!) But how can I be "on" when I am trying so very very hard not to have a drink? I don't know if I can do both things at once. So much effort...I'm tired just thinking about it!
So much effort has to be put into tonight. I know I sound like a baby....my favorite singer, luxury sky box, car service. free food...but again, why oh why couldn't I have that when I was drinking???? I am so tired just thinking about tonight. I don't even want to go. I told Mr. Soberat 53 and he was wonderful, and said we didn't have to go. But, I don't want to disappoint him. And, it is a work thing.
Will I ever get to that place where it is just easy? No thought or effort involved? I really hate that I let myself get to this place. Why did I ever have to drink so damn much that it became a problem?!?! So, I will now take a deep breathe and get ready to go. I will try and look good so I will feel better about myself. That helped last week. (Nothing like a good blow out!) I am going to give this the old "girl scout" try. I hope I can do it.
Hoping that you have to put minimal effort into quitting! And, if you do, please please let me know your strategies!
Editing to say: the other couple just texted Mr. Soberat53 and said "hey, can we bring you guys a roadie?" Oh man...I am in trouble!!!!! Fuck! I told Mr. Soberat53 just to say "bring one for me (meaning him)"
Love,
Sober at 53
Oh Sober at 53 - I'm sorry that this evening will be so hard :-( And I hope that you make it through. Stay strong!! This is only one night for you to get through and you can do it. You've already gotten through so so many days. Do you have someone you can call or text if you start getting cravings? Will your husband be a support to you? The one strategy I can think of is something I plan to do soon. I am going to call the bar where my goody bye party for work is being held and ask if they have AF beer. If they don't, I will bring myself a couple of bottles. And I'm totally not ashamed to do that. It's important for me to have it on hand. I also plan to contact the inclusive hotel I will be at in Mexico to ask the same thing. And if they don't have any, I'm bringing some on the plane! If you ever need someone to text with during situations like this, reach out to us. I can give you my phone number via PM if you need it. Just email me.
ReplyDeleteYou're right - the universe really is lined up against you on this one!
ReplyDeleteBut. You CAN do anything that you decide you want to do. Not easy. But, do-able? Abso-f'n-lutely YES!!
Good luck, gorgeous. I'll bet you that once the music starts it'll be okay. Music has this amazing power to transport you the way alcohol once did, I find. You'll forget you're sober. So just concentrate on making it to that point, then let the music take over. (Am I sounding like a hippie?) Also, remember the power of the temporary exit. If it gets too hard, take yourself off to the loo (bathroom), just to give yourself some space. Do some deep breathing/surf the sobernet, whatever - just ten minutes time out can make all the difference. Thinking of you x
ReplyDeleteI'm totally with you about being sick of the energy we are having to put into not drinking. My hubby reminds me about the amount of energy I used to waste a) hiding the drinking and b) being unproductive during/after drinking and I guess he has a point. You WILL get through this and treat yourself to a lovely reward of some sort tomorrow. Focus on looking forward to that. Can't wait to read your exuberant post telling us all about how you ended up having a great time after all and you are so grateful you didn't go to this event in your drinking days after all as you would have got trashed and embarrassing in front of your hubby's work friends!
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