Day 65 - Free Will

April 12, 2016
Day 65
Hello!

After each exercise class, our instructor reads something inspirational.  Y'day's quote really resonated with me:

"That which you call your Soul or Spirit is your consciousness, and that which you call "free will" is your minds freedom to think or not, the only will you have, your only freedom, the choice that controls all the choices you make and determines your life and your character."  Ayn Rand

Choosing to drink or to stop drinking is 100% controlled by our free will.  We all have the ability to quit drinking, albeit not so easily, by free will.  It's really that simple.  It's a yes or no decision.  Each day we have the free will to decide if we are going to uncork that bottle of wine or carry on without it.  We each hold our decisions in our hand.  Making bad choices, making good choices, all free will.  I will no longer let drinking determine my life and character!  I will be in charge!

The "mental addiction" we experience each day as we are trying to quit drinking is just stuff that tries to block our free will.  This reminds me of another quote that is so relevant to us quitters and I also think to those who want to quit but are having a difficult time!

"As a drowning man wants air, as the lover seeks their beloved, this is the way you must focus on that which you want.  This intensity of concentration will remove all obstacles."  Author Unknown

That quote is going to really help me continue on my AF journey.  The intensity of which a drowning man seeks air and that a lover seeks their beloved is the same intensity that I have for remaining AF.  That is how badly I want it.  I think of the drowning man clawing his way to the line where the water meets the air.  It's an intense moment and it is all he can focus on.  To me, the wine is what I was drowning in, both physically, but more importantly, mentally and I am seeking that "line" where I catch my breath and know that I am saved.  Each AF day that I "claw" my way through gets me closer and closer to that "line."  I am focused on getting to that line!!  (but damn....why does it have to be so hard!!!!)

Wishing you the "free will" to be AF and hoping you get to that "line."

Love,
Sober at 53