Day 58
Hello!
I have a child with special needs. She is a teenager with down syndrome. She is great! She has changed our family's lives for the better. Everyone should be so blessed! BUT…having a child with special needs requires a different kind of "work" than my typical kids.
First off, there is so much to do regarding your child's school system. There are many meetings, testing of your your child, people who hold low expectations when yours are high…and you try to help them to see that…with MAJOR EFFORT and sometimes not a lot of success!
Next, there is the whole "friendship" thing. It is definitely not easy for my daughter to make friends who are "typical." Of course, there are a gazillion people that are more than kind to her, but she doesn't get invited to typical parties, sleepovers, movies, etc. Thank goodness she has a group of kids with special needs that she loves to be with!
Then, there is the whole "period" thing. It took 3 years for her to understand it…That is 36 months worth of periods! It wasn't fun!!!
There is also boyfriends…yes, she does have a boyfriend with down syndrome. And they make out…a lot! (OMG! I am so happy for her to experience those feelings…but I am not quite sure about how to handle the "other stuff!")
There is worry about her future…her inability to understand money, her sadness at not being able to get a drivers license (she could, but she failed the written test..but will try again one day)
Yada, yada, yada!!!
I am very involved in the special needs community. I have found that MANY of us moms of kids with special needs drink…a lot! I did my own unscientific study and I believe that the parents of people with special needs drink a lot more. I had mentioned in a previous post (Past attempts at Quitting) that I participated in a drinking program at a state college. I told them they should do their program with moms of kids with special needs. They said that wasn't the first time that they've been asked that!
So..does stress make you drink more? We all have stress.. I can't begin to tell you the stress that my 2 other kids have put me through at different times. Why do many moms of kids with special needs, including myself, drink more? I think for me, it was an escape. I didn't have to worry about any of the above mentioned "worries"..and many that I haven't mentioned…when I was 3 sheets to the wind!
It always amazed me that there are actually moms of kids with special needs who don't ever drink! It made me feel like a bad mother because they have the same stress and worry's that I do, but they deal with it while I numb them! But now, I am one of them!!! Go me! But, I haven't had any new stresses or worries regarding my daughter in the 58 days since I've quit drinking. I wonder what will happened when I do? There are some school meetings coming up for her in May. Last year I had to hire a special needs lawyer to help me. I am not looking forward to the meetings. One thing I know is that I will be nervous, but clear headed when I go into them. I worry about when I come out of the meetings. Those are usually big drinking nights for me. I am going to have to find something else to help me deal. Thank goodness I have a month to figure out something!!! Maybe I should ask my aforementioned non drinking friends what they do instead of downing a bottle or two of wine!
Wishing you ways to deal with your stress that don't include drinking!
Love,
Sober at 53
Hello! Funnily enough, I found dealing with stressful situations WAY easier sober (in my case the cancer thing). I didn't expect that AT ALL. Having a clear head really helps, and it makes you feel really proud of yourself - like a proper wolf mum protecting her cubs. I'm sure you can do it! Go girl! Xxx
ReplyDeleteWhen i was 'consuming,' I just didnt see how I could get theough much of anything w/o that drink to look forward to, help me recover from/shut out whatever the day had held. And I stopped at a really stress-free, quiet point in my life....so Ive wondered: can I hold on to this when times change? When Stress and weariness raise their 'oh, i need a drink!' heads?' I hope so. Hope I remember how good it is to stir at 3 am and have that wondrous realization - 'I did it! I ignored the call of the drink last night - and how GLAD I am just a few hours later!'
ReplyDeleteI suspect it's a good thing you are thinking sbout this now....mentally preparing. And.....what you worry about facing is still a month(?) or more away....and you'll be even more invested in The New You!
It sounds like you are doing an admirable job w all that's on your full plate!