Day 69 - The Tunnel

April 16, 2016
Day 69
Hello!

First off, thank you so much to everyone who commented and reached out to me on my "Pity Party" post.  You really saved me!  Thank you!  I had to take a few days off from blogging because I was in a "not good" place.  I feel much better now.  I've had to deal with my emotions without drowning them in wine.  I did so...maybe not seamlessly, but I did it!  And, I took your advice!  I made sure I looked great!  I got a blowout, put a smokey eye on my lids, wore my dress that I wanted to wear (Spanx were included!) and I felt good about myself!  And, I didn't drink. They had servers practically at each table with  bottles of red and white filling your glass as soon as you drained your last drop. Oh, how they would've been constantly filling mine 69 days ago!!!

Last night was our big Gala in NYC.  Because I am AF, I decided to drive in and meet Mr. Soberat53 who works in the city.  My normally 50 minute drive turned into a grueling 2 hours.  I left plenty of time knowing that Friday night traffic could be horrendous...and it was!

The worst part was on the helix into the Lincoln Tunnel.  It was so backed up and it probably took me 40 minutes to enter the tunnel.(traffic radio said only 20 minutes!)  Well, a funny thing happened as soon as the nose of my car entered the tunnel. Bruce Springsteen's "Tunnel of Love" came on the radio.  It made me laugh!  What a coincidence!... but then it made me think. (and trust me, due to traffic, I had A LOT of time to think!)....Quitting drinking is like being in traffic in the tunnel.

There will be times in the tunnel where you are moving smoothly and everything is great!  Life is Good!  You are AF!  Everything is going in the right direction!  Then boom! You are completely at a stand still..not moving at all...you are stuck.  You can either get out of your car and walk away (that would create a huge mess for those cars behind you and you would face tremendous fines) or you could wait it out.  Eventually, it's got to move, right?  You can't stay there forever!  When you are stuck like that with quitting drinking, (whether it be cravings, PAWS, stress)  you can either go back to the bottle, thus creating a huge mess for yourself and the "fines" you face could be serious ramifications in your life!  OR you can wait out those bad times and know in your mind that you will not be stuck there forever...you will eventually move forward!

So, it's stop and go, stop and go the 1.5 miles (that would be 2.4 km for my metric using friends) through that tunnel.  It takes you a lot longer to get through because it is not a smooth ride in.  Lots of stuff to deal with on the way in addition to the stopping and going..You've also got that car in front of you that has left a gazillion car lengths in front of him and you are anxious to get to the other side and want him to move faster.  But, there is nothing you can do (technically, you are not allowed to blow your horn in the tunnel).  You have to deal with it!  Just like your emotions!   You are trapped in a tunnel (your own mind) and behind a car that is not moving the way you want it to (your emotions)...there is no way around that car.  You just have to work through it!

Eventually, you make it out of the tunnel, after going through what you need to get through in order to come out the other side.  And the other side is beautiful!  There is light, beauty...and you are no longer trapped!!  I can't wait to get to the other side!!!  I am still at the beginning of the tunnel, but am finding myself moving forward....albeit very slowly and with that dang car in front of me!  I am hoping the days of moving smoothly will be more frequent!!!

Wishing you a smooth ride through your tunnel!

Love,
Sober at 53